I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
