after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
