____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need to stop coming to work sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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