I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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