see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
