Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
