Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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