idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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