he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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