My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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