I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
