he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
