He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
