escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
