Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
