he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
