i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
