At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
