does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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