What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
