Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
