apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
