I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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