SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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