I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
