Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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