i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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