That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
