I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
