I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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