Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
