Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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