hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
