I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
