it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
