They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
