is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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