i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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