no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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