it's like iHOP with fire
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
