i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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