In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
"it" just moved
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
