That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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