she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
