Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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