great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
