Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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