you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
