My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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