He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
