Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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