Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
