I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I didn't notice because vodka
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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