im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
