I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
