Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
