Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
