is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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