think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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