the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
