and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
