Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love having hate sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
