I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
