I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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