You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
