she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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