I would go down on you faster than GM stock
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
