we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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