Life is so much better after having sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
