I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
