my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
