i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
